The flag of the U.S.A. is very pretty, especially the over sized ones that fly along major highways and interstates. The blue and white field of 50 stars over lays the 13 alternating red and white stripes. Altogether this visual display symbolizes a unity and individualism that e pluribus unum gets at in Latin. We speak of schools as alma maters, languages as the mother tongue, and mother and fatherland for countries. The flag is like these other substitutions: it holds familial power and importance to be respected… like a mother.
Patriotism and/or religion and mommas are often used as the final refuge where the guns come out to end arguments or differences of opinion. When you are at the end of reason, you go after the other person’s momma. “Well, your momma is x.” Incendiary words through out the universe, I think. Calling others a son of a bitch or son of a whore is common in many cultures. It is an insult to the other and his mother. No wonder it is so offensive. Just don’t involve mothers, you know, unless of course that is the message. “Not only you but your momma sucks rotten watermelons.”
Lately, we have seen the flag used as a political football, whoa! Did I say that? Yep, a political football that divides our country into camps and tribes, the very opposite of its legitimized purpose. We get e unus pluribum instead, (technically not correct Latin, but you get the message of reversal here). “From one, many.” i.e. division and reductionism. And who on earth would weaponize yet another dog whistle for political division and another bonfire of chaos? Yep, the evil one himself, Donald the Imp Trumpelstiltskin. “What’s my name? What’s my name?” Apparently he forgot it because he had to label buildings, golf courses, casinos, vodkas, resorts, meats, games, books, etc. with his shortened name, Trump, in order to always recall it. Or maybe it was something else, like naked narcissism. “I love me so much. I love you too”, said the reflection to the self.
Like Rumpelstiltskin the Donald showed up when things looked not so good. America was trying to spin straw into gold and doing a fine job of running up $20 trillion of debt due to two wars, massive tax cuts, and a historic collapse of real estate and wicked sectors of Wall Street. He wanted to fix things, Make America Golden Again, for the small price of our collective soul. He claimed super powers that mere mortal politicians lacked. He was godlike, a star, the epitome of success. Why, all you had to do was ask him and he’d tell you how awesome he was. He’d been fabricating his life story all his life. He’d turned doubles into home runs in high school; graduated first in his college class; made his fortune all on his own; made a university out of nothing; and many, many other falsehoods that collapse under scrutiny. Over time Trumpelstiltskin fell in love with his lies so much that he preferred them to the real truth. So spinning straw into gold was nothing. He’d been turning chicken crap into chicken salad for 70 years when he moved into the White House. Along the way he developed an uncanny skill at speaking out of both sides of his mouth while smiling simultaneously.
So now the flag burrito. On many occasions Trumpelstiltskin has managed to literally and figuratively wrap himself or his talking points in our beautiful flag. Early on he raised the flag for white Americans, who like his own family had immigrated to the U.S., and against any new immigrants. His dotard wall idea brings to mind the Great Wall of China, a serpentine marvel of construction driven by Chinese xenophobia. China feared the rest of the world and insulated itself for centuries. So fear and racism are key ingredients in the wall flag burrito. But the Donald adds a secret insult sauce to Mexicans, Muslims and other Bad Dudes: he stirs up suspicion based on torturous verbal misrepresentations, a.k.a. lies. In his in versus out frame work, Obama is a foreigner not a fellow American. Muslims universally are terrorists. But self proclaimed Nazis in Charlottesville and Russian oligarchs and strong dictators the world over are really fine people who should be wrapped in his wall burrito.(Trumpelstiltskin molesting the flag. Fake news. Bad.)
I know that’s a lot to swallow, so let’s look at another burrito. It’s the sports are for Black people burrito. Trumpelstiltskin combines a clever mix of bigotry and racism that is guarded to look like patriotism. He uninvited the NBA Warriors to the White House when he felt slighted by these mostly Black men. He disapproved of their disapproval, like spices that fight one another. He knew this would not work. So he sought out sure things, safe White people or compliant mixtures of races. He had the NFL Patriots visit because he knew Tommy Boy and Belichik and Kraft had sold out for him in the election. So there’s the white meat component. However, later in the year he got his panties all in a wad when a few Black NFL players knelt or sat during the national anthem at games. Don the Imp jumped right into that mess and drove a stake into the heart of America. Speaking in that bastion of free speech, equal rights and high morality, Alabama, he referenced the NFL protesters as ‘sons of bitches’ as he back flipped into our lovely flag. Being a patriot provocateur, he finishes this flag burrito with a bilious green sauce that is to die for. Such a patriot that if it weren’t for cowardice, wealth, lust and bone spurs, he’d have been in the jungles of Vietnam instead of comfortably spending his daddy’s millions building his own fortune. After you digest this burrito, you’ll agree he is entitled to grab women’s genitalia, even though he admitted to saying so but not doing it until he questioned his own testimony as a conspiracy of fake news.
(You know I just can’t help myself. When I see beautiful, I just grab em by the … fake news.)
It’s a shame I don’t have room for more than three burritos here. The daily special is always available, however. It’s the hypocrisy burrito that includes carmelized alternative truths, mixed with immoral equivalencies, and backed up with thin skinned ego oysters. All of this is served on a plate of envy; with petty rolls; and includes a side of sour grape twitters. All to say that no American president has accomplished so little, at such low levels, than Trumpelstiltskin, the flag wrapped, ulcer inducing, herniated burrito imp from Hell.
(Melania says I’m not an imp but elfish… what? oh, selfish. Nevermind.)