If you write a blog, you already know that non English speaking scammers from around the globe send illogical and ungrammatical comments, hoping that you will respond to their “insights” at obviously commercial addresses. They are chomping at the blog trough to separate cyber fools from their money. The most common ruse is the standard fake design engineer who, completely unsolicited, tells you how to improve your blog technically by adjusting terms that you don’t know to begin with. I delete those without even reading them. They are a cut and paste universal app, apparently. I suspect that these mystery elves don’t even know the text of what they post; they are simply trolling for gullibelly fish in the internet ocean.
Arkvek: What have you caught, my darling cyber-butter slug?
Schmucktiel: Oggggggggle Eyes, two American bloggers and someone from the NSA.
Arkvek: MMMM, tasty. How much you think? They buy our bamboo toothpicks and tongue depressers? Maybe we get VISA number and buy new bucket of honey lard sludge.
Schmucktiel: Ullllugggllll, of course they vill vonce I slime their computers virally. I vill make them madly anxious to click on my button vonce they take my sweet bait.
Arkvek: You push my buttons, my big mug of slug.
Schmucktiel: Arky Baby, vait von minute vill you?
“Dear Web Administrator, I notice in website you have dormant widget where active fidget should be. To promote great use of you web site and increase traffic immediate, I reroute your tetrameter and inculate the obfuscator. With such new technologic advance, you can be great even. Just click icon above and I do the rest.” Bob Vealson. Ve vent to high school together, remember me broski?
Schmucktiel: Ven dey cleek, I peek. Oh ho ho, huh, huh.
Arkvek: Oh Schmucky! You make me happy proud slug wife.
Schmucktiel: Stop or I blush. You know old slug sayink, “You blush; I flush. I don’t van to flush, Arky.”
Of course I ignore these idiots. Delete permanently. A pound of salt should do it. They are like bed bugs that live in the mattress of the internet. When some warm blooded mammal is sensed, they scuttle toward the steamy streams of electronic life and feast opportunistically with impunity.
I want these parasites to starve and die. It is high time for some international punity. A salt pox on you Schmucky, wherever you are!! And your ugly slug wife.
Other creepers attempt to compliment the post which they have not read and get you to click back to their site out of gratitude I suppose.
“You have said something so true. Your content speaks clearly what everyone thinks and agrees to. Please to keep writing, if you would thank you.” Zsa zsa @ knock it off coach purses cheap.
These shameless hacks deserve something more than a simple delete. But I can’t think of what fits the crime. Maybe posting their insipid comments internationally with their yearbook pictures next to them on-line would give them the shame they seem to lack. A Hall of Shame for Parasites. Ugh! They can certainly turn you off to that world wide spider web.
So I’m halfway to my 1,000 word goal line and I ‘ve just referenced two nasty critters. For proper balance I need two more that somehow tie into blog terms. Hmmm, bar flies, gnats, mosquitoes? No. Spiders, scorpions, cicadas, preying mantis? Oh, maybe black widow spiders.
More than one of these disreputable uninvited guests has attempted to get a hit back to an obvious sex site. That sort of thing creeps me out. Naturally I delete those without any hesitation. How gross to troll internationally with lurid sex talk in the vain hope of getting a desperate American blogger to respond to sizzlekitten@ hotsex.net. I feel like I need a shower and then saniwipes for my keyboard after one of their visits. Yuk!! I like freedom folks. I also like good taste and not tawdry raw venery. That’s a double meaning word– hunting in medieval times plus sexual indulgence. In this case it’s more like trapping than hunting, but never mind. You are the prey.
Blatant disregard for others. Like the internet equivalent of a neighbor who burns his trash after you have hung out your fresh laundry. And the wind causes them to collide. Now your laundry is not bothering his trash, but his incinerator is bothering your laundry. This stuff is not hard to figure out. I don’t want your toxic crap. Okay? I just wish I could exact some justice in the matter. I don’t want to hurt these guys too much, just enough to make them stop.
Finally, let me thank the awful programs that slink into one’s computer somehow disguised as Windows Updates or add ons of some sort. I’ve spent most of this day turning my computer on and off trying to get around some Pro Optimizer. They seek to help you fix problems you don’t have. Which ought to be a tip off. If someone offers to cure you of cancer but you don’t have cancer, run. Call Schmucky. Put out a hit on him. Punity for all and all for punity.
What creature would represent this last type of vermin? Ah, yes, the unkillable cockroach.
You don’t think you could possibly have roaches, when one day in the dark as you press the power button on the keyboard, you hear a distinctive crunchy squish. Yep, you gottem. Pass the saniwipes again. I’m sorry you had to hear that, but I apologized at the beginning.
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They are crawling all over me.