89. Stormaggedon


It’s the storm of the century, again. And we all need to be prepared for the ominousnessity of it all. Fill your car with gas, your fridge with milk, your tub with water, and your heart with fear. I’m a bit skeptical, as usual. I recall too well the Y2K hysteria. At least those folks have generators and 13 year old canned food. And ammo I imagine, because the Doomsday crowd always seem to find a way to warn against urban mayhem and the breakdown of our post-modern society. Dark city dwellers will somehow wander the streets and find your rural home to invade. They are going to roam aimlessly but somehow directly to your castle. Therefore, you must be fully armed and vigilantly bunkered down. I don’t get this “reasoning”. It seems to go something like the following chain:

A. Bad weather knocks down power lines.

B. Loss of electricity inconveniences millions.

C. Despite rescue efforts and evacuation centers aplenty, the restless urban dwellers decide to walk into the countryside to scavenge food, raping and pillaging along the way.

D. Why? Because Monday Night Football wasn’t broadcast? Because their x-boxes run on electricity? No one seems to know why urban dwellers would reverse a century old migration pattern and return to the farms they fled in the Industrial Revolution, but by God they will. Inexplicably, overnight the 47% who are tethered to government dependence and a welfare mindset are going to rise up like strong Tea Party patriots and surge into the rolling rural hills and meadows to take back what is inalienably theirs.

Wait a minute! You can’t have it both ways:  either these folks are lazy good for nothings or they are the seething unwashed hungry proletariat.

How do you get from bad weather to the end of society as we have known it? Even in the Great Depression with millions unemployed and shanty camps all over the country, hobo villages and train hoppers galore, there was no such uprising. And I think those folks were less educated with less to lose than the roiling dark urban masses of today. And how about the suburanites? Are they going to flood the farms and fields and woods to eat berries and kill groundhogs for survival? I’m not seeing it. And the nearly rural, are they going to wander to the remote areas of Montana and pillage those folks?

For the “plan” to work, you need massive doses of FEAR pumped into the masses, whoever they are. Now I don’t know of anyone who is urging the urban masses to take to the highways and byways minus a GPS to break and enter and pillage and burn out the haves while removing their wealth from them. I am aware of Right Wingnuts urging the righteously anointed suburban and rural dwellers to prepare for such social meltdowns led by the Antichrist Barack Obama. Oh yes, there is this election fever operating at the same time, and I am certain that End Timers are reading the tea leaves to show that even weather patterns are aligning to bring about the Final and Terminal and Real Last Time End. Plus, if the Antichrist wins re-election, then they can blame Global Warming and the manipulation of weather for political gain.

I can see the headlines of November. “Did the Dems have NASA fake weather forecasts?”  “Was the Weather Channel in Bed with Administration?” “Have You Seen Donald Trump’s Hairpiece?” or if Mitt wins, “Romney’s Friends in High Places Deliver”. “Blue States Hammered by Weather Hints of Manipulation”. “God Votes Thru Hurricane Sandy”. “Wall Street Under Water for Mitt’s Ascent”. “The Ultimate Watergate”. But, I almost forgot, in the aftermath of Stormaggedon there will be no internet, no newspapers, no recounts, no government. It will be primal self serving survivalism everywhere. The NRA will see itself recognized finally as the reigning party, and those with ammo and camo will move to the top of the food chain. Whew, that is reassuring. For a moment the forecast was looking bleak.

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