Okay, as the Gotye song plays “somebody that I used to know”, I must sadly report on the shocking meeting I witnessed in the D’italia’s north window seat for two, today at the lunch hour. Andrea, the head barrista at my coffee shop, sitting opposite Ron, a 3rd round draft choice for my Coffee Summit. And it could not come at a worse time. I am expecting the Pope to join us this Thursday at Coffee Summit Nation, but Ron could have jeopardized that whole big-hat thing with his shenanigans in the front window of a public house. It was disturbing. Andrea had the turkey/cranberry salad sandwich on what appeared to be rye bread, while Ron was eating the ravioli. The worst part was that neither of them invited me to join them. Shocking!! (They carried on as if I were an annoying gnat. It was gnot gnice. I suspect it all goes back to our last chess game that Ron lost in a hail of pieces.)
Naturally I accosted them like a Dateline reporter with a hidden camera. “Well, RON. You haven’t been to the Summit in months now, but you have time to lunch with the fair young Andrea of Needmore Castle?”
“I have to eat”, was his curt yet lame reply.
“And ANDREA? Do you realize what you are doing?” (Because I certainly didn’t.)
I don’t even recall her reply, but it may have been “Are you going to out us on your blog?”
‘Well, yes, my formerly forgiven flamingo’ I thought to myself. This is exactly the sort of useless stuff I’ll put in my blog on a hot July day now that my mother-in-law is home with her own electricity.
We blathered. I threatened impossibilities. I ordered my take out (chicken,bacon, mozzarella… awesome) and left for the coffee shop (two doors north) to lean on Jake for support. He was also unaware that the Pope was expected on Thursday. However, he (Jake) is on the schedule for Thursday so I know we will have excellent service with or without the Pope. I picked up my sandwich ten minutes later and gave them one more chance to be obsequious. Not even a nibble on a sequin. I left in a foil wrapped, styrofoam huff with a bag of chips. The audacity of the inhumanity appalled me and left me searching for other words that would exaggerate the absurdity of it all.
Just in case the Pontiff can’t make it, I have a tall hat made of oak tag in my office. It was not that hard to make, honestly. It would take longer to explain why I made it than the actual construction time. I have a nice green scarf that I could wear as a stole and a walking stick that a client gave me. I can get my shepherd schwing going. I need a big ring for the guys to kiss. I can’t wait. Then we’ll see what Ron has to say! Oh yeah. Sorry, Ron, Andrea, you’re just somebody that I used to know.